A monthly column by the Billings Ovulation Method Association of Trinidad and Tobago (BOMATT)
“Love can wait to give, Lust can’t wait to get.” This is a tagline we borrowed from Jason Evert in his presentation called “Romance Without Regret”. The line about love describes, we think, all who use the Billings Method for family planning purposes. The “waiting” required when practicing this Method accurately is the “love” to which is being referred.
Dr John Billings, in his booklet entitled “Gift of Life and Love: Love, Marriage and Natural Fertility Regulation”, wrote: “The physical union between husband and wife is a loving, joyful expression of their giving themselves to one another as long as they live.
This love will find expression in many other ways because love should be constantly expressed and demonstrated and there will be times when sexual union is not possible.
There are times when it is abstinence from sexual union which is the demonstration of love.
And they look forward to the day after the temporary separation by death, when they will join their hands again in the peace of Heaven”.
What interferes with this expression of love is what some people think is love…but it is not. Strong sexual desire or lust destroys the love that couples are being called to in the marital bond. This is a perpetual battle: love versus lust. The battle can be won only through the purity of one’s heart.
How does one untwist a mind full of lustful thoughts?
Christopher West gave some practical tips that deserve consideration by anyone struggling with this. At the “Created and Redeemed” Conference, he stated that we should thank God for the gift of our sexual desires and then ask Him to “untwist” the twisted lustful desires in our hearts. God did not create sexual desire to be something dirty or bad, but something good for a couple in love, to set the stage for giving of oneself as a gift to the other, which is what should happen in the marital embrace – not selfishly taking for one’s own lustful pleasure.
Other suggestions to become pure in heart is to pray for faith, faith to believe in God’s plan for us, and also how to become a better man or woman. Receive the sacraments frequently, including the Holy Eucharist – a true source of strength – and the Sacrament of Reconciliation or Confession.
The spiritual and mental burden that is lifted after a good Confession is priceless!
One can flex “self-mastery muscles” or self-control by denial of self. Our Muslim brothers and sisters just completed Ramadan and their fasting was not only for spiritual gain but also to gain self-control. This is what our self-denial is supposed to assist us with, the moderation of our desires, even the sexual ones, and ultimately control over them. So fast often or at least deny yourself something daily, even if it is just not adding that extra salt you love!
Be vigilant with lust. Guard your eyes, your ears, your senses in general from lustful input. Remember “garbage in, garbage out”. That includes some TV shows, music, movies, Facebook feeds and the like where the garbage gets in very quickly.
Bombard your mind with the Truth. Read and meditate on books that promote purity of heart, such as the Holy Bible and Theology of the Body. We have a host of resources to share with you if you call us, including the said “Created and Redeemed” Conference on DVDs, and the “Gift of Life and Love: Love, Marriage and Natural Fertility Regulation” booklet.
We also have CDs such as Contraception: Why Not?; Sexual Freedom (If you can’t say ‘no’ to sexual desires, what is your ‘yes’ worth?); Green Sex (If sex is natural, why are we so eager to make it artificial?); and Parenting for Purity (Want to be the #1 influence on your teen’s sexual behaviour?).
In addition, we have books geared towards the needs of teenagers and young adults, including “Theology of His and Her Body”, “Pure Love”, “How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul”, and “Emotional Virtue: A Guide to Drama-Free Relationships”. All of our resources are available at a very low cost, so that pure light will fill as many hearts as possible.
Contact BOMA-TT at 384-1659 and billingstt@gmail.com, or visit www.billingstt.webs.com
