By Manuelita Gomez Thomas

Losing a loved one to suicide brings grief that is often more intense and prolonged than other forms of loss. The abruptness and trauma of suicide can lead to symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder, a reality affirmed by many who have walked this difficult path.

In the aftermath, the bereaved may find themselves replaying events and conversations, searching for answers, motives, or meaning behind the loss. This search is often accompanied by persistent and debilitating feelings of self-blame and guilt, which seem to surface just when one hopes for relief.

Stigma, shame, and withdrawal

Anger is a natural part of the grieving process, but the stigma and shame associated with suicide deepen the wound. The fear of judgement is genuine, and the awkwardness displayed by others can be unsettling. These factors can prompt those who are bereaved by suicide to withdraw or hide the true circumstances of the death, unfortunately creating barriers to the support they need most.

Family, faith, and difficult questions

Any loss is devastating, and amidst family dynamics, difficult discussions, and decisions—such as burial rites—must take place. When suicide is the cause, these matters can be even more fraught, leading to spiritual questions: Where was God’s mercy? What is the fate of the deceased in the afterlife?

The absence of a loved one becomes more pronounced, and life together is reduced to a collection of memories. The bereaved may struggle with comments suggesting that they are holding on rather than letting go.

Understanding healthy grief

Grief is a natural and necessary process—a way to remember, confront loss, and gradually reorient life. ‘Holding on’ implies being stuck and unable to heal, but healthy grief is the heart’s work of integration, allowing memory and love to coexist with life’s forward movement.

Though grief brings waves of sorrow, it also includes memories and moments of meaning-making that evolve over time. Healthy grieving is active, while unhealthy attachment is rigid and repetitive, trapping mourners in unresolved emotions that can hinder relationships and daily functioning.

When grief is supported by community—through companions, rituals, prayer, or therapy—it becomes a path of transformation, not stagnation. Healthy grieving honours both the reality of loss and the mourner’s capacity to hope, serve, and love again.

Recognising when to seek support

It is important to recognise signs indicating a need for pastoral support, counselling, or mental health care. These signs include: prolonged inability to engage in daily life, persistent self-destructive thoughts, isolation, or guilt that does not improve with support. If such signs are present, seeking help is a compassionate and necessary step.

Catholic teaching and the question of the afterlife

For those conflicted about the afterlife of a loved one lost to suicide, the Catholic Church offers comfort. The Church rejects simplistic or punitive judgements, acknowledging the profound dignity of every human life and the complexity of mental suffering.

Modern pastoral teaching emphasises God’s mercy and recognises that psychological disturbance or severe distress may reduce moral culpability. The Church does not declare that suicide means damnation; instead, it invites trust in God’s mercy and encourages prayer for the deceased.

Ministries and bereavement groups, such as St Charles RC Ministry of Consolation, offer compassionate support to the bereaved through accompaniment, prayer, and encouragement to hope in God’s mercy.

Workshops and retreats facilitate honest sharing without judgement, incorporate scriptural readings, prayers for the dead, and memorial rituals that entrust the loved one to God. Participants are reminded that praying, honouring memories, and seeking help are acts of love, not unhealthy clinging.

Grief is not the same as holding on; it is the heart’s labour of love to remember and let go, step by step. In the Catholic tradition, grief is held within the horizon of God’s mercy—a hope that consoles, freeing mourners to live fully while keeping their loved ones alive in memory and prayer.

Manuelita Gomez Thomas is a member of the Ministry of Consolation at St Charles RC, Tunapuna