The moment a child comes out — whether through a heartfelt conversation or a discovery that leaves you breathless — can feel like standing at the edge of unfamiliar territory. For many Christian parents, that moment brings not just love and concern, but a cascade of questions: about faith, about family, about what comes next.
That is exactly why a small group of parents and family members has been gathering on April 16 and 23 to read, reflect, and find their footing together. Using When Children Come Out: A Guide for Christian Parents by Mark Yarhouse and Olya Zaporozhets as their compass, the group has created a rare space where faith and family can be held together — honestly and without judgement.
“There was a line I read about turning family members away, and it just stayed with me. My own sister had been asking questions about our faith, and suddenly I understood something new about her.” — A participant reflecting on the reading
Facilitated by Father Matthew Ragbir, Archdiocesan Family Life Commission (AFLC) Spiritual Director and Theological Advisor, the sessions have moved through some of the most tender terrain a parent can face: the initial shock of discovery, the weight of shame that can silence people in faith communities, and the slow, unsteady journey toward hope. Research shared by the group reveals that roughly half of parents respond positively when a child first comes out — and that with time and support, many who struggled initially find their way to deeper understanding and stronger relationships with their children.
“My reaction was different from my husband’s. I had suspected something for a while, and he hadn’t. We were both on the same journey, but at completely different points.”— A group member, on navigating different responses within a marriage
The group has also wrestled with the complexity of where to turn for help — how to find trustworthy friends, counsellors, and spiritual guides without inadvertently sharing a child’s story before they are ready. It is careful, loving work.
At the close of each session, the group has prayed together — including the prayer of St. Thomas Merton, which begins in uncertainty and ends in trust. It is, perhaps, the perfect prayer for this journey.
If you are a parent navigating your child’s LGBTQ+ identity and would like to join the conversation, you can contact familylife@catholictt.org. The next session takes place on Wednesday, May 7th at 7pm online.